Posts Tagged ‘ commentary ’

Things to do in your last hour of flight

Dec 28th, 2009 | By | Category: Featured Article, Real News, snewz

I cant believe they cut me off from the drinks cart.

As many of you heard, there are new restrictions that have been placed on people traveling by air. Initially, the requirement was that passengers were required to sit in their seats without touching anything for the last hour.

Fortunately, the insanity of making millions of airline passengers sit on their hands for an hour overwhelmed the air travel industry and the TSA has now decided that these restrictions will be applied on a case-by-case basis at the discretion of the flight crew. Presumably, this means that any time you are on a flight that has at least one non-white person, the flight crew will invoke their right to make your trip miserable.



6 Steps to a Filibuster-Proof Health Care Bill

Oct 26th, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

It's like Hollywood, but with bribes!As Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid announces the US health care bill, we here at snewzbutton offer our solution for a filibuster-proof manner to get the public option into the US health system. This is an easily understandable fear, as there are undoubtedly a number of Republican Senators chomping at the bit to remake Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.

Realistically, any filibuster is not likely to last forever, and even if the Republicans filibuster for a month, at the end the Democrats have the votes to pass the bill and that means that by Christmas, thousands of little boys and girls will get their chemo treatments that their little lives depend upon.



9 reasons the Northwest pilots missed their destination

Oct 23rd, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

airplaneThough we’ll never know for certain why the pilots missed their destination, through the power of conjection, we can come up with some real, scientifically sound theories as to why Northwest Flight 188 passed Minneapolis and kept going for 150 miles.



Adventures in Laziness – Dirty Dishes

Oct 20th, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

Look at that sink! It's useless!

When it comes to committing yourself to a simple maintenance act in order to improve your home’s hygiene level, dealing with plates, cups, knives, forks, and sporks after you’ve eaten is not an overly difficult task, particularly when you consider the overall health benefits to maintaining a clean home. Who wants to get some sort of crazy disease from a mold spore in their kitchen sink? I know these things seem to be really curable on House, but they’re not usually so pleasant.

But what is the cure? How can I save myself?



RE: The Spam Folder

Oct 14th, 2009 | By | Category: Featured Article, revewz, snewz

Yes. The spam you can eat. No, dummy. E-mail spam!People no longer need to be subject to the constant con-artistry that lives in their spam folders, but it is sometimes required to delve into the pile in order to retrieve a prized e-mail that may have been misdirected. Whether looking for a response from a beautiful girl, waiting for a message on an important banking matter, or any other occasion in which life itself may hinge upon a single e-mail, sometimes it just doesn’t come. Or it doesn’t seem to come.

She really liked me, though. I’m sure of it… maybe it went to my spam folder. It does happen. But what else is going on in there?



Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize; US invades Moon

Oct 9th, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

On October 9, 2009 at 5:30 AM EST, US President Barack Obama was announced as the 2009 winner of the Nobel Peace Prize “for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.”

Two hours later, the United States began an unprovoked attack on the Moon.

The President was awakened by a knock on his door, where he was greeted by the Nobel Prize Patrol, balloons, and a big check for his US $1.4 Million prize.



Top Ten Creepy Letterman Sex Partners

Oct 4th, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

lettermanOn October 1, 2009, The Late Show with David Letterman opened up with Letterman’s monologue explaining a scandal that was breaking about his life. Allegedly, Robert J. “Joe” Halderman, an Emmy Award nominated writer, director, and producer, had attempted to extort Mr. Letterman for $2 million with the threat that Mr. Halderman would write a screenplay and a book regarding affairs that Letterman had had over the course of his life.



Jacques Chirac sends his dog to ‘the farm’

Oct 2nd, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

In case you hadn’t heard, Jacques Chirac sent Sumo, his Maltese terrier, to the ‘the farm’ today after a line of domestic disturbances, drug abuse, and other signs pointing to Sumo’s life spiraling out of control.

It wasn’t always as bad as this. Back when Sumo joined the Chirac family, he lived the high life at the Élysée Palace, running free on the grounds, having an entourage of security, and his choice of any piece of tail Paris had to offer. That all ended one fateful day in May of 2007, when President Jacques Chirac became former President Jacques Chirac.



NCIS: LA and the Stereotyping of Latinos

Sep 29th, 2009 | By | Category: revewz, snewz

No, not that kind of stereotypical Mexican.
Perhaps I’m being unfair. Maybe it’s a little early in the show. I might even be acting a little over-sensitive to the subject. That’s what I thought last week when watching NCIS: Los Angeles for the first time.

After watching the second episode, I realize that I’m probably right, though.

Right about what? The fact that apparently the writers of NCIS: Los Angeles consider the ‘bad guys’ to be the Latinos.



Khloe Kardashian marries entire LA Lakers team.

Sep 26th, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

Who?

It seems as though there has been a lot of courting going on in Los Angeles this week, as Los Angeles Lakers publicist, John Black, announces that Khloe Kardashian, a celebrity most well known for being famous, will not only be marrying Lamar Odom on Sunday, September 27, but will in fact be marrying the entire LA Lakers team.

Kardashian twittered, “Surpriiiise! I guess the news is out. I’m a pioneer for all you dolls out there.”