snewz

Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize; US invades Moon

Oct 9th, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

On October 9, 2009 at 5:30 AM EST, US President Barack Obama was announced as the 2009 winner of the Nobel Peace Prize “for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.”

Two hours later, the United States began an unprovoked attack on the Moon.

The President was awakened by a knock on his door, where he was greeted by the Nobel Prize Patrol, balloons, and a big check for his US $1.4 Million prize.



Top Ten Creepy Letterman Sex Partners

Oct 4th, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

lettermanOn October 1, 2009, The Late Show with David Letterman opened up with Letterman’s monologue explaining a scandal that was breaking about his life. Allegedly, Robert J. “Joe” Halderman, an Emmy Award nominated writer, director, and producer, had attempted to extort Mr. Letterman for $2 million with the threat that Mr. Halderman would write a screenplay and a book regarding affairs that Letterman had had over the course of his life.



Jacques Chirac sends his dog to ‘the farm’

Oct 2nd, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

In case you hadn’t heard, Jacques Chirac sent Sumo, his Maltese terrier, to the ‘the farm’ today after a line of domestic disturbances, drug abuse, and other signs pointing to Sumo’s life spiraling out of control.

It wasn’t always as bad as this. Back when Sumo joined the Chirac family, he lived the high life at the Élysée Palace, running free on the grounds, having an entourage of security, and his choice of any piece of tail Paris had to offer. That all ended one fateful day in May of 2007, when President Jacques Chirac became former President Jacques Chirac.



NCIS: LA and the Stereotyping of Latinos

Sep 29th, 2009 | By | Category: revewz, snewz

No, not that kind of stereotypical Mexican.
Perhaps I’m being unfair. Maybe it’s a little early in the show. I might even be acting a little over-sensitive to the subject. That’s what I thought last week when watching NCIS: Los Angeles for the first time.

After watching the second episode, I realize that I’m probably right, though.

Right about what? The fact that apparently the writers of NCIS: Los Angeles consider the ‘bad guys’ to be the Latinos.



Tsunami watch in Hawaii and New Zealand

Sep 29th, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

According to many news sources there is a big tsunami heading for Hawaii and New Zealand following an 8.3 magnitude earthquake near the Samoa Islands. This is a short and sweet post, because all you need to know at the moment is to make like the antithesis of Churchill’s England and get the fuck away […]



Khloe Kardashian marries entire LA Lakers team.

Sep 26th, 2009 | By | Category: snewz

Who?

It seems as though there has been a lot of courting going on in Los Angeles this week, as Los Angeles Lakers publicist, John Black, announces that Khloe Kardashian, a celebrity most well known for being famous, will not only be marrying Lamar Odom on Sunday, September 27, but will in fact be marrying the entire LA Lakers team.

Kardashian twittered, “Surpriiiise! I guess the news is out. I’m a pioneer for all you dolls out there.”



Grey’s Anatomy Season 6 Pilot Has Most Retarded Running Joke Ever

Sep 24th, 2009 | By | Category: revewz, snewz

No, dummy. I'm talking about Grey's Anatomy, the show, not Gray's Anatomy, the book. That's not even from Gray's Anatomy. That's DaVinci's Vitruvian Man.

Okay, so George is dead, Izzie’s alive, drama, drama, drama, etc. Welcome to another ‘very special episode’ of Grey’s Anatomy. I’m not going to write a review about the episode. If you watch the show, you saw it, so you don’t need me to pussyfoot my way through recapping it or any of that crap. I just have one thing to say about it:

Ceviche isn’t “a chopped up fish dish.”



Adventures in Laziness – I still wear Crocs

Sep 24th, 2009 | By | Category: revewz, snewz

One man's lazy footwear is another man's... ugly.

Yes, I still wear Crocs. No, I wasn’t cryogenically frozen back in the summer of 2006 only to be reanimated today. I wear them and I love them.

Well, maybe love is a strong word. I wear them because they’re convenient and comfortable. For a great many people in the fashion world, the phrase ‘convenient and comfortable’ screams ‘bad taste.’ Well, they’re probably right. To heck with them and To heck with good taste. I don’t wear Crocs when I’m performing with an orchestra, having a business meeting, or roofing. I wear them when I’m walking the dog, getting the paper, putzing around town, or cooking.



8 Things I Learned About Mental Hospitals by Watching House (and why they’re bullshit)

Sep 22nd, 2009 | By | Category: revewz, snewz

No, silly dog. Not that house.
My father called me last week because he had heard about the season premier of House that came out last night. He was pretty excited about it, because it takes place in a mental hospital. My parents met at a mental hospital back in the early 70’s, which is why this theme is exciting for my family.

Sadly, my parents aren’t some super cool deranged lunatics (I suppose there is a redundancy there), but instead my mother was a psych nurse for about 30 years and my father… well, he had a long career in the field. He started working in a kitchen and got his Master’s in psychology in the early 80’s. The work just sort of fit his personality, part prison guard, part self-righteous prick with a false sense of superiority. No, I’m just kidding, my dad is pretty awesome.



Adventures in Laziness – I eat my ice cream with a fork

Sep 17th, 2009 | By | Category: revewz, snewz

Ice Cream + Fork = Flavor ExplosionToday I ate ice cream with a fork. This may not seem like much of a big deal, but the result was far better than I had expected.

I just finished eating a nice healthy salad and wanted a nice unhealthy dessert. I got up from my den and went to the kitchen to grab a pint of ice cream and a spoon. Being that I’m a dumbass, I forgot to run my dishwasher last night and discovered that all of my spoons were dirty.