Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize; US invades MoonOct 9th, 2009 | By Alkillous | Category: snewz
On October 9, 2009 at 5:30 AM EST, US President Barack Obama was announced as the 2009 winner of the Nobel Peace Prize “for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.”
Two hours later, the United States began an unprovoked attack on the Moon.
The President was awakened by a knock on his door, where he was greeted by the Nobel Prize Patrol, balloons, and a big check for his US $1.4 Million prize.
Globalization is now seen to be just the first step in the President’s intergalactic agenda for his political future.
“I just saw how the cards were laid out,” Mr. Obama stated today in a press conference, continuing “China and Russia both have programs to get to the Moon, to establish a presence there, so I felt that WE, as Americans, needed to do what we could to stop the commies from conquering our Moon.”
When asked whether this was a first strike in what would be an all out war on the Moon, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs stated several reasons favoring war, but would not go far enough to state that this was the administration’s intentions.
“First of all, there has been a large upsurge in tidal wave activity around the world. We all know that the tides are controlled by the moon, so we have the intelligence necessary to determine who is responsible for the hundreds of thousands of deaths worldwide in recent years. Additionally, I think we’d all like to see if we can prevent another outbreak of lycanthropy, or “werewolfism” in the future. My last point is that we’d like to see if it somehow reduces the severity of female menstrual psychoses.”
Internationally, the United States move has been generally accepted as a favorable alternative to its previous methods for satiating its thirst for war. Humans the world over hail Barack Obama as an hero for taking the violent intentions away from their nations and instead focusing their blood lust on an uninhabited space rock.
Nicholas Stern, Chief Economist of the World Bank also finds this move by the United States to be favorable. “War stimulates an economy, though the damage done on the home front can make matters even worse. I’d say that this maneuver may pull the planet out of the current financial crisis on its own. This time next year, we might be hearing that President Obama has won the Nobel Prize in Economics.”
Conservatives have had mixed reviews to the day’s events, as they are in favor of war, but are opposed to the US President and anything to do with honoring people for intellectual and peaceful achievements.
An anonymous source from an undisclosed right-wing news blog had this to say; “This has to be one of the toughest moments we’ve had since Bush has been out of office. To start the day finding out that your enemy has been given a prize that makes Americans look like a bunch of pantywaists? Appalling! As we were trying to figure out the best way to attack Obama, we heard about the strike. I’ll tell you, that made me feel like ol’ G-dub was back in power for a moment. Then I remembered that there aren’t any people on the moon. What good is a war if you can’t kill people?”
What good indeed?