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Microsoft pacemakers all fail at the same time.

Dec 31st, 2008 | By | Category: snewz

Hieronymous T. Finch in an undated photograph enjoying his Microsoft Pace

Hieronymous T. Finch in an undated photograph enjoying his Microsoft Pace

Computer giant Microsoft hit a software glitch causing their new medical product, the Microsoft Pace, to stop at exactly 11:59 AM EST on December 31, 2008. First, the Pace increases the heart rate, then it causes the heart to hold all blood pumping in until it explodes. The Pace was introduced in 2006 as a competitor for the highly popular Apple iLive, which has sold millions of models since first rolling off the shelves in 2003.

Today in a press conference, Microsoft spokesperson Franklin Smith stated that the problem will be resolved in the next 24-48 hours and that any survivors can call their help line for information on how they might be able to download the fix. No official explanation has been given for the incident, but a confidential Microsoft source stated that the glitch occurred from an unforeseen issue regarding abnormal phasing of the moon.

Hieronymous T. Finch, 84, of Salt Lake City, Utah, spoke to his son William regarding his fondness of the Pace: “I really love this thing. My heart has never felt more regular, and if I meet someone at the nursing home, or the senior center, I can test out their heart rhythm by using the infrared feature.” Finch will be survived by his son William and daughter Margaret, and three grandchildren.

Microsoft has offered free flights to family members attending funerals for Pace related malfunctions on their new airline, BSOD Air.

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